The Grace of Survival

“…sometimes we have to have one hand on this rock here,

one hand on that one, and each big toe seeking out firm

if temporary footing, and while we’re scaling that rock face,

there’s no time for bubbles, champagne and a witty aside.

You don’t mind that people in this situation are not being charming. You are glad

to see them doing something you will need to do down the line, and with dignity.”

 

This quote reminds me of rock climbing in the 1980s; however, this is instead a beautiful metaphor about survival, written by Anne Lamott, in her book Bird by Bird (1994), where she points out: “[survival]…this is the task before all of us.”  I’d like to share with you, with deep gratitude, an experience of survival. 

 

I was raised in the mid-west.  My parents were hard-working - 1950s genuine, caring people.  Our family was close-knit, extending to my aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents.  Without warning, my Father died suddenly.  In outward appearances, we stayed strong.  Life, as we knew it, changed forever.  "I need to figure out how to make a living" was my first thought.  I grew up instantly.  I told my Mom I would use my part-time job money to buy my clothes, purses and shoes (the necessities of a 16-year-old girl!).  Then, I marched through life.  I completed high school and got a full-time job at a large corporation.  I marched into my 20s, my marriage and buying a home – I marched into my 30s, divorce, night school, learning to date again; yet, being responsible all along the way, paying my way wherever I went, taking care of anyone in my path.  No one was going to die on my watch again! 

 

In my 40s, I learned this was called survival.  Survival is highly respected in America – I was a single woman, with a home and a good job; I was going to night school to earn a degree; I had all my bills paid; I was crossing all my “T’s” and dotting all my “I’s.”  I was trying to take care of everyone so they wouldn’t die on me!  I thanked God when my 50^th birthday came—at least my age was telling me I could no longer keep up this pace; nor did I want to do such a thing—filling my days with work, keeping my mind occupied and thinking I could actually keep people breathing! 

 

Staying in survival is remaining a victim and staying in ego—it is not truly living life.  The way we choose to respond to troubles is through fear (attempting to control life) or through love (trusting God’s Will).  My ego (my security) taught me that I was doing fine.  However, the little girl inside of me had been placed on a shelf at 16, never to be heard from again!  There was no time for play—life was very serious.  It is still sometimes hard to relinquish that seriousness. 

 

Once I understood survival, I had this distinct feeling that I had left a piece of my emotional self at 16 – how in the world would I bring it from 16 to 40-something – this could take years!  Instantly, I had this visual in my mind of a large rubberband that had been stretched out fully – all of a sudden, it came right back into place – without snapping my fingers (without hurting)!  It was God’s way of saying: “Ask and you shall receive!”  It was a perfect metaphor, one that expressed God’s most gracious and unconditional love.  When we ask to be healed, He brings it to us – no shouting, no yelling, no belittling and no judgment.  The rubberband came back into place gently and quietly – my 16-year-old emotions came forward instantly!  Emotional Grace! 

 

So, if you find yourself seeking a toehold on life, maybe this will provide some inspiration: 

 

I believe we are each on a Path.  Every space on the Path is a good place—in fact, it is a Sacred place.  As we journey along the Path, there is this most beautiful and loving force ever so gently guiding us, pulling us toward the Light.  I liken this pull to the feel of an undertow.  Think about how very gently an undertow tugs at you; yet wields its vast, innate power.  I consider this Guidance to be God’s Will—within that, we are using our free will.  God is always there with open arms, with the most gracious welcome—every day, every moment.  Unfortunately, we get into our ego and think we are in control of the game of life—that’s when we make it hard and in walks fear!  In life, we can choose fear or love!  If we pay attention to when we’re using our ego, we will find that things become difficult, and we will have more life trials!  Instead, when we open our hearts, trust, we welcome God to lead our lives - we find Peace—we find Love—we find Grace—and Gratitude for His Grace – even for the Grace of Survival!