On
this Labor Day Monday, it seems a good time to talk about responsibility, even
though this topic may not always seem like Grace
in our lives! I am very grateful that I
had parents and teachers who taught me responsibility as a child. I am also grateful that my nieces/nephews are
teaching their children responsibility and having expectations of their
children to take responsibility for their actions. Discipline is good for children and will pay
off in the long run, right?!
When
I learned the most about responsibility, a time that brought much clarity to
its impact, was when I worked with persons with a serious mental illness. Our program’s goal at the University of
Arizona was to support persons in getting their lives back on track through
their involvement in work or school. In
our society, there is such a terrible stigma against persons with this illness
that we “classify” them in their own group.
This makes it very hard for them to break into society. It was very difficult for them to begin the
socializing process, to go toward seeking a job, finding fulfillment. I learned that a major part of their success
happened the moment they took responsibility for their lives. I watched one individual kick and scream and
dig in her heels so she wouldn’t have to cross that line. Once she did, she realized she was the only
one making the line so difficult to cross.
Since then, she transformed her life.
While once she was a person expecting a conflict at every turn, she
became a symbol of spiritual growth and helped others to grow. Once we take responsibility for where we are,
accept it, climb out of victimhood, grasp our life, we flourish! That is when the “Invisible Hands” Joseph Campbell referred to, help us along the
way! People, messengers, things come
into our lives that we could not begin to orchestrate if we tried! It is miraculous—it is Grace!
I have always
been very responsible; however, I came to realize something – when I took
responsibility for things that I wasn’t responsible for—when I filled my days
taking care of things that rightfully belonged to someone else, I was no longer
being responsible. I was fulfilling an
ego need—a part of survival—that says, as long as I keep doing this for you,
maybe you will find me to have value. Unfortunately,
by so doing, I gave up my power, remained a victim and didn’t get to experience
who I was really meant to be—all this just to gain some approval! This was a very hard lesson to learn. The survival lesson for me was to learn that
I can no longer give of myself (in the way of taking care of others’ responsibilities)
because it was to my detriment to do that.
More and more fellow workers wanted me to do projects because they knew
the effort I would put into it. This
meant more and more work—validation was taking more and more effort to
attain! I didn’t understand it at the
time, but it was external validation—there was no internal validation taking place.
I wanted to
bring this point across because, in our society, there are a lot of
victims. I’m not knocking anyone—it is a
part of survival—it is ego doing its job, protecting us from the pain we are
not ready to face – from the responsibility we are not willing to assume. As mentioned in previous posts, I’ve come to
learn that survival is not truly living.
When persons are in a survival mode, they are always watching their back
or waiting for the next shoe to drop.
They go through their life creating and continuing that lifestyle—“Guess
what happened to me now!” These are the
words of a victim who is choosing to remain a victim—it becomes an expectation,
something to hang onto – that is ego doing its job. Notice how the words typically state something
has happened to them—it’s come from outside of them—another confirmation of the
willingness to give up their power.
We may not
always like what’s happening in our lives—we may feel a bit out of control at
times—however, if we trust God’s Will, we know that all happens for the good,
so we have to trust that He knows what we need best. Blend your will with God’s Will—He wants us
to make choices, too—and grow and learn from them. He is a loving Father Who knows very well
that discipline is love.
