The Grace of Surrendering

The New Year is always exciting because it gives us a chance to start the year off with a clean slate. So, possibly, a great way to start this New Year would be to find the willingness (that’s all it takes), to surrender. I know it may not sound like fun but it will be the very best thing you could do for yourself, ever. Here’s an example:

Scene 1: You go to work and learn there’s a new budget that’s been created for the new fiscal year and your department’s been eliminated. You’re in shock. You find out you have two weeks until you’re out of work. You go home, thrash your anger on everyone and place blame on some third party for why this happened to you. You feel horrible, you’re miserable, you’re scared – this is suffering.

Scene 2: The same thing happens except you do not take anything personally because you know this is all outside yourself. Even though there may be some initial shock, you determine you will look at this differently from the start and see this as a gift; and now you’re excited to find out how this is all going to play out. You know everything always goes toward the good, so you lead with trust and allow that to burn off any concerns that might arise. You surrender your control. You’re not miserable – you’re not suffering. In this scene, you don’t take your mind to the negative, you trust and find positive thoughts that relate to your circumstances. You find gratitude – for positively everything.

This concept carries over to much larger situations, as well. If we’ve been suppressing pain for many years over something that happened long ago, it restricts us and creates blockages in our energy – we resist going near that pain, which only makes things worse and eventually causes illness. It’s a hot burner that we don’t want to touch but it doesn’t actually exist – it’s only in our belief. What we may not realize is that pain is holding us back. So, we miss out on a lot of opportunities in life. Once again, if we find acceptance for exactly where we’re at, we can transmute that pain and fear into love. This is surrendering to the situation.

Eli Jaxon-Bear, a spiritual teacher, speaks of “opening your heart and welcoming the fear.” Fear is created by our beliefs – think of how many beliefs you’ve had in life that never actually existed, never came to fruition, carried no weight or no longer served you. We are much more than our outer circumstances. So, instead of resisting, accept the situation – open your heart and welcome the fear – surrender to the situation. Find gratitude for the fact that the fear or pain served its purpose at one time but it’s no longer serving us now. In fact, it’s become toxic.

Surrendering requires willingness and trust. I remember, as a little girl, a group of kids in our neighborhood tied a thick rope to a large tree branch – we climbed the tree, hung onto the rope and swung over to an open lot next to the tree. It took me a while to gain the nerve to try it; but once I did, it was exhilarating! This is a similar situation, when we take away our belief that it’s going to hurt or be painful to surrender, we step into trust so we can surrender, which is a special kind of Grace and Enlightenment, too.

Reach deeply inside, find what’s holding you back, be willing to face the pain or fear and make this the year you transmute any pain or fear into love. Remember to recognize and release the negative thoughts, find even the slightest positive thoughts to reframe the situation, welcome any fear and move into trust. Surrender to the situation. Relinquishing what’s holding us back is life changing. Find Gratitude. Know you are fully loved and loveable and fully worthy. Find the courage – you can do this!

The Grace of Joy

I’m not sure how we’ve reached the Christmas Season already but it’s definitely upon us! And, as we all know, sometimes the Christmas Season brings out the best in us and sometimes – well, not so much! There is so much beauty that Christmas offers; yet Christmas also seems to stir the resistance in us, possibly spurred on by our expectations. But, I think Christmas is meant to be about Joy!

As generations come and go, we often enjoy recapturing our childhood memories of Christmas. Once we grow into adulthood, however, a lot of changes take place as the next generation brings in new faces to the family gatherings. What a stir that creates! This means we put up our defenses or we decide we’re not going to like that person or we’re frustrated that the status quo has been changed! Meanwhile, we all gather together with our own secret wishes intact; yet, we sit smiling while a slow burn is activated inside. Oh, what Joy!

So, maybe Christmas, with all its twinkling lights is really here to shine a bright spotlight on the not-so-nice moments of being human. Maybe it’s a time for us to seek the peace and serenity of the season and maybe it’s a time to do something about it, too. After all, we can really only control our thoughts, our actions and our beliefs, so we might as well start there. Trying to control someone else or manipulate them into a different way of being will only create friction and separate us. Possibly, this Christmas, take the time to really get in touch with your feelings, watch what comes up, how much you feel left out or feel frustrated or feel out of control or disappointed. Then do something about it! Paying attention to your feelings brings you to the present and offers an opportunity to let go of all those negative thoughts. Just recognizing those thoughts means you’re accepting exactly where you’re at! It doesn’t mean you have to like this experience; but now that you’ve accepted where you’re at, you can decide to change your thoughts. It’s the season to go deeper – somewhere down deep, there is love and joy. Every moment we spend separated from those gifts of grace are wasted moments.

Let go of the resistance to what is – instead, find the lightness, find the depth, find the peace and serenity within – make it a plan for this Christmas to “not go there” when it comes to trivial grievances within family gatherings. Reach deeply to see that person you don’t like so well from your soul to his/her soul. Instead, go where we are all one. Find that connection. Find God’s Presence – find Joy!

The Grace of Grit and Gratitude

When we decide to find gratitude for all that has taken place in our life, we come to realize just how interconnected we are. In her book, Harnessing Courage: Overcoming Adversity with Grit and Gratitude (2016), Laura Bratton expresses very personally the gratitude she feels for the many hearts, minds and hands who guided, assisted or prayed for her along a very difficult path from childhood to adulthood and the grit she attained along the way in order to muster through each day.

I met Laura when she was a Freshman at Arizona State University. My first impression of her was that she was an intelligent, independent and vibrant young woman. Laura and her Mom met with me to establish her needs for the semester – Laura was blind and I oversaw the Braille Lab. Later, Laura became a student worker in the Braille Lab where she proof-read Braille documents. For the duration of my experience with Laura, my first impression never wavered but I soon observed that this intelligent, independent and vibrant young woman was also tremendously courageous. What I didn’t know until I recently read her beautiful and endearing account of her life, was all the many, difficult steps she had taken to get to that day when we met.

Laura’s life changed drastically at the age of eight when it was determined she had an eye disease that would slowly carry her to blindness. From the very first pages of her book and throughout, Laura expresses her gratitude for her parents, grandparents, her brother, extended family members, friends, church members, etc., for the countless gifts of grace they provided for her. She certainly had and still has a wonderful support network. That’s where her gratitude comes in – the grit part of her experience is what she had to find within, but how?

Sometimes, until we can find the grit within, a member of our support network has to “hold the hope” for us when we are so overwhelmed or feeling hopeless. In Laura’s case, one person who provided that was her brother, Rob, who utilized his high school football analogies in order to support her as he told her: “We are going to drop back and punt.” Even as a young man, her brother was not going to allow her to quit! Additionally, Laura’s parents became loving advocates for her – they pressed on so that she could receive the same schooling as other students – in fact, their tremendous effort made an impactful ripple effect for students who came after Laura, who were also mainstreamed. But, Laura also found the grit within, which is an ongoing process as challenges arise. Her statement below is a testament to this:

“The energy it takes to resist and hold back from moving forward is much more exhausting and fear-inducing than actually choosing to embrace a situation. The paralyzing, fearful questions of doubt hold us back and prevent us from using our strengths and gifts. Incredible grit is required to move forward in new situations.”

Laura’s life changed continually as her sight diminished. Each time, she considered the change a “new normal.” She discussed how one can make the choice to “live into the new normal or remain in a constant place of depression and anxiety.” One helpful recommendation from her counselor that she utilized was to turn toward her emotions and acknowledge what she was feeling.

An important life lesson I learned from Laura in her account of her life was that she found it was better not to waste time on painful experiences as she moved forward into her new normal. Not that this was an easy task, even for her today, but one that provides energy for the new normal experiences – one of the many “tools of life” she shared in her amazing story.

With Gratitude for Faith

Last month we discussed finding and building trust in God; this month, I’d like to discuss Faith – I believe they go hand in hand. In fact, I think faith is what helps us attain trust in God and keeps us aligned with that trust along the way. Yet, I also think faith is a by-product of trust – it not only leads us to trust and sustains that trust, the trust we’ve attained and sustained then enriches our faith even more deeply.

Faith is one of those nebulous words, yet it carries such depth. It’s hard to put a finger on it because it’s not something objective – it’s more ethereal. The person who taught me about faith initially was my Dad. I can literally remember feeling his faith emanate from him. He didn’t have to say anything. That was a very fortunate experience, one that I’ve never forgotten. Once again, however, even that experience was nebulous and hard to explain.

Faith basically means if you realize how much trust God has placed in you, as discussed in the previous post, you would then find trust in Him to be easy. But, in order to get there, I believe we have to go beyond our mind’s thoughts. It’s much deeper than thoughts.

In our earthly world, we show up with our “labels,” as discussed in the post from May 2016 – this is also our personality, our ego – what we put out there for all to see. Sometimes, we actually display different personalities, depending upon the situation. But now go more deeply. Faith is the knowing deep inside that it doesn’t matter what happens on this earth, God is ever present and we can trust His Plan.

So, instead of worrying or being fearful, we can have faith that God created a specific plan for each of us; and when we feel that deeply and feel His love, faith becomes like a little child holding his/her Dad’s hand crossing a street. We walk together in trust. It is not a mindset, however, it is within us, deeply within our heart and soul.

Patience with others is love.

Patience with self is hope.

Patience with God is faith.

(Adel Bestavros)

With Gratitude for Trust

In our earthly life, the topic of trust typically comes about early on, possibly when our parents first speak to us about trust. Today, I’d like to speak of an even larger trust – the trust we have in God.

It takes time to build trust with someone; yet, strangely, it seems it takes even more time to build trust in God. I think that’s because we don’t truly believe in ourselves enough in order to believe that God could love us so much that we could totally put our trust in Him. This is not unlike a recent post where we discussed the difference between our earthly self and our real Self, our Soul (May 2016).

What makes life on this earthly plane a lot easier is to realize how much trust God has placed in us. He creates us, specifically, individually and on purpose, then He places us on this earth and gives us an opportunity to create whatever it is we wish to create. I believe we know what our “plan” is prior to arriving here; however, it’s often easy to get lost in our own free will in the process of creating. So, sometimes we get a little off our spiritual plan.

But, now, think about how much trust you have in God. After He’s done all that on our behalf and so personally, think about how hard it is to trust in Him. Thinking back to my own Father, I know I had full trust in him. I knew I could trust him at every turn. I was very, very fortunate to have had that experience. But, even with the grace of that experience, it's still taken me a longer time to trust God. Why? I know it’s because I couldn’t imagine that He cared for me – who was I in His eyes? In fact, I remember praying to Him as a child saying things like: “I know you’re really busy and you have more important things to take care of than me, but if and when you have a minute, could you please….”

Fortunately, there came a day, not all that long ago, when I realized – I truly realized, that God made me specifically and on purpose. I also realized how much self-loathing I had done to myself for years. I literally got down on my knees and asked for forgiveness for ever thinking for a moment that I was not of value or not worthy.

Realize that positively every breath you take, every decision you make, every step you take is given to you with God’s Love - He even hangs in with us when we are making poor choices. Even when we get diverted from our spiritual path and our lessons, He patiently guides us as we slowly get back to our original plan. Patience – I can’t even imagine the patience He has. So, know that at every moment, you are being cared for, you are being loved fully, you are being guided and you are being blessed. Know that there are many times when you have been saved from tragedy, when you have been protected from harm.

When we find that trust in God, even on days when things go wrong (or what appears to be wrong in our eyes), you can know that He is the One in charge and that He has only our best interests at heart. Trust that what is happening has a purpose - He always leads us toward the good. Let go of the need to control and trust that God is always in charge and look forward to His Plan because it is always much better than we could ever imagine. Think of His Plan as something to be excited about, as if it was a gift coming to you with each waking day. That is Grace! Enjoy the anticipation, the journey and the knowing!

With Gratitude for our Path

If any of your recent thoughts have been of mistakes, failures, disappointments, loss of relationships, financial pressures, etc., maybe today’s the day to find gratitude for the path you’re really on, because those thoughts relate to superficial happenings.

Instead, delve a little deeper, then deeper, then even deeper. Perhaps you can go way back to a teacher who believed in you, someone who took you under his/her wing and gave you a nugget for life. This may have actually changed your course or created an opportunity to accept yourself. Or maybe you can think of a time when you skinned your knee, literally or figuratively, and now realize the strength it took to get back up and get going. Even if people laughed as you took that fall, think about how it impacted your life in a positive way. Another thought might be of something you did that was not something of integrity, maybe you even “sold your soul” for a moment. Remember that that experience possibly gave you the opportunity to rethink your ways – remember, too, when temptations in life turn into attachments, you can always “un-attach” yourself.

Recently, I read that all paths bring awareness. So, the lesson of each path is what gives it its value. That’s why it’s so important to remember that when we take away the experience from someone, we also take away the lesson. It’s easy to fall into judgment of those whom we feel have stepped off the path of integrity or honesty or human decency onto a path we consider to be immoral or self-destructive. However, every single moment of our life here on earth is giving us an opportunity to learn, to make another choice, to rethink, or to redeem ourselves. It is all Sacred.

Therefore, for anyone falling into judgment of another, remember that you may not fully know or understand that person’s path – the amazing inner path that God has consecrated. Perhaps they are on this earth for us to learn not to judge or to find compassion. Sometimes the most difficult earthly paths are the hardest ones to withstand but teach others the most compassion. Often the toughest or even meanest people in your life are the ones who were the catalysts to build you up in the final outcome. Or, the ones who were most critical were the ones who made you withdraw inside where you found your real value.

As they say, there are no accidents, so it’s important to recognize that everyone who crosses our path on this earthly mission is a messenger – one who is teaching us to lead with our soul, even if they may appear to be someone of darkness.

By taking the time to delve deeper into our life, we can find that everything offers a nugget, a gift of grace. Our life is never limited nor limiting – the possibilities are endless. If today, you are confused, find at least one thing that makes your eyes sparkle, that makes your heart sing. If today, you are disappointed in yourself, know that that is only a tiny speck in the whole spectrum of your life. Be humbled by God’s Goodness and by His Forgiveness. As I’ve mentioned previously, we are the only ones who often cannot forgive ourselves, who cannot love ourselves.

Be blessed in the knowing that we all go through dark times, difficult times, disappointing times and what we might consider unforgiveable times; but, these are only our earthly judgments. When we dig deeper to the soul level, there is no ugliness; instead, there is pure beauty, love, acceptance and Light.

With Gratitude for Peace

In recent posts, we’ve talked about finding peace in order to provide calm in our fast-paced lives. Yet, in today’s world, we might wonder exactly how and where to find peace – not only to provide calm but to provide safety in our environment. This is why it’s very important to create our own peace. But how do we do that? Today, for a moment, let’s set aside the many tragedies in our world that splinter our daily lives; for a moment, let’s talk about what we can do in our individual lives to create peace.

There has always been duality in life – humans have a tendency to create a we-they situation. That’s the human ego’s way of dealing with fear. So, let’s remember that. But, just as situations appear to be black or white, people are rich or poor, decisions are right or wrong, we have choices we can make that involve the biggest and most important duality – that of love and fear.

Fear has its place – it protects us from real and present danger. However, fear also arises from experiences of feeling left out or feeling not good enough that fester and grow over time. This type of fear stems from a feeling of separation, not being included, not being loved. Some say our greatest separation is the feeling that our physical body is separated from our soul and that’s where this whole separation issue began. We come upon this earth and forget who we truly are.

So, let’s remember who we actually are and what our capacity really is. Somewhere deep inside we are love and only love, the kind of love that we cannot even comprehend. In order to find peace, we must go there – we must find that gentle peace, warmth and love. The sooner we find that in our self, the sooner our outer world will change. It is up to us individually.

This may require us to do some house cleaning within to sweep away the darkness. That may mean we make a decision to put all past grievances in the past, we let go of what we’ve been hanging onto for years that is no longer serving us and we begin anew. Surrender and let go. This may sound like giving up control; in some ways it is; but in more ways it is taking control by deciding what’s really going to drive our lives.

Darkness is here – it is prevalent; however, the Light is more prevalent. I can say with certainty in my lifetime that I have seen the Light grow, so I know we’re going toward the good. Please do not dwell on the darkness that is present – it has always been there. Do not let it tempt you into fear. Go within, find the Light, find the peace, find the warmth and love that is ever present. I have a strong belief that as the Light grows it stirs the egos of those filled with darkness, which makes for knee-jerk reactions by them. Let it go – know that the Light has already outshone that darkness. This is a time for faith and trust. This is a time for strength. Find it within. It will provide a ripple effect – as each and every one of us brings more Light to the earth, the darkness will dissipate.

If you have any doubts about finding that place of peace within, know that you have already touched it many times, possibly when you’ve watched a movie that truly warmed your heart or inspired you or you were totally moved by a beautiful song and tears came to your eyes or you said a prayer and got so lost in it that you knew you touched the Divine – go there, again – it is always present and available to you.