The Grace of Grit and Gratitude

When we decide to find gratitude for all that has taken place in our life, we come to realize just how interconnected we are. In her book, Harnessing Courage: Overcoming Adversity with Grit and Gratitude (2016), Laura Bratton expresses very personally the gratitude she feels for the many hearts, minds and hands who guided, assisted or prayed for her along a very difficult path from childhood to adulthood and the grit she attained along the way in order to muster through each day.

I met Laura when she was a Freshman at Arizona State University. My first impression of her was that she was an intelligent, independent and vibrant young woman. Laura and her Mom met with me to establish her needs for the semester – Laura was blind and I oversaw the Braille Lab. Later, Laura became a student worker in the Braille Lab where she proof-read Braille documents. For the duration of my experience with Laura, my first impression never wavered but I soon observed that this intelligent, independent and vibrant young woman was also tremendously courageous. What I didn’t know until I recently read her beautiful and endearing account of her life, was all the many, difficult steps she had taken to get to that day when we met.

Laura’s life changed drastically at the age of eight when it was determined she had an eye disease that would slowly carry her to blindness. From the very first pages of her book and throughout, Laura expresses her gratitude for her parents, grandparents, her brother, extended family members, friends, church members, etc., for the countless gifts of grace they provided for her. She certainly had and still has a wonderful support network. That’s where her gratitude comes in – the grit part of her experience is what she had to find within, but how?

Sometimes, until we can find the grit within, a member of our support network has to “hold the hope” for us when we are so overwhelmed or feeling hopeless. In Laura’s case, one person who provided that was her brother, Rob, who utilized his high school football analogies in order to support her as he told her: “We are going to drop back and punt.” Even as a young man, her brother was not going to allow her to quit! Additionally, Laura’s parents became loving advocates for her – they pressed on so that she could receive the same schooling as other students – in fact, their tremendous effort made an impactful ripple effect for students who came after Laura, who were also mainstreamed. But, Laura also found the grit within, which is an ongoing process as challenges arise. Her statement below is a testament to this:

“The energy it takes to resist and hold back from moving forward is much more exhausting and fear-inducing than actually choosing to embrace a situation. The paralyzing, fearful questions of doubt hold us back and prevent us from using our strengths and gifts. Incredible grit is required to move forward in new situations.”

Laura’s life changed continually as her sight diminished. Each time, she considered the change a “new normal.” She discussed how one can make the choice to “live into the new normal or remain in a constant place of depression and anxiety.” One helpful recommendation from her counselor that she utilized was to turn toward her emotions and acknowledge what she was feeling.

An important life lesson I learned from Laura in her account of her life was that she found it was better not to waste time on painful experiences as she moved forward into her new normal. Not that this was an easy task, even for her today, but one that provides energy for the new normal experiences – one of the many “tools of life” she shared in her amazing story.

With Gratitude for Faith

Last month we discussed finding and building trust in God; this month, I’d like to discuss Faith – I believe they go hand in hand. In fact, I think faith is what helps us attain trust in God and keeps us aligned with that trust along the way. Yet, I also think faith is a by-product of trust – it not only leads us to trust and sustains that trust, the trust we’ve attained and sustained then enriches our faith even more deeply.

Faith is one of those nebulous words, yet it carries such depth. It’s hard to put a finger on it because it’s not something objective – it’s more ethereal. The person who taught me about faith initially was my Dad. I can literally remember feeling his faith emanate from him. He didn’t have to say anything. That was a very fortunate experience, one that I’ve never forgotten. Once again, however, even that experience was nebulous and hard to explain.

Faith basically means if you realize how much trust God has placed in you, as discussed in the previous post, you would then find trust in Him to be easy. But, in order to get there, I believe we have to go beyond our mind’s thoughts. It’s much deeper than thoughts.

In our earthly world, we show up with our “labels,” as discussed in the post from May 2016 – this is also our personality, our ego – what we put out there for all to see. Sometimes, we actually display different personalities, depending upon the situation. But now go more deeply. Faith is the knowing deep inside that it doesn’t matter what happens on this earth, God is ever present and we can trust His Plan.

So, instead of worrying or being fearful, we can have faith that God created a specific plan for each of us; and when we feel that deeply and feel His love, faith becomes like a little child holding his/her Dad’s hand crossing a street. We walk together in trust. It is not a mindset, however, it is within us, deeply within our heart and soul.

Patience with others is love.

Patience with self is hope.

Patience with God is faith.

(Adel Bestavros)

With Gratitude for Trust

In our earthly life, the topic of trust typically comes about early on, possibly when our parents first speak to us about trust. Today, I’d like to speak of an even larger trust – the trust we have in God.

It takes time to build trust with someone; yet, strangely, it seems it takes even more time to build trust in God. I think that’s because we don’t truly believe in ourselves enough in order to believe that God could love us so much that we could totally put our trust in Him. This is not unlike a recent post where we discussed the difference between our earthly self and our real Self, our Soul (May 2016).

What makes life on this earthly plane a lot easier is to realize how much trust God has placed in us. He creates us, specifically, individually and on purpose, then He places us on this earth and gives us an opportunity to create whatever it is we wish to create. I believe we know what our “plan” is prior to arriving here; however, it’s often easy to get lost in our own free will in the process of creating. So, sometimes we get a little off our spiritual plan.

But, now, think about how much trust you have in God. After He’s done all that on our behalf and so personally, think about how hard it is to trust in Him. Thinking back to my own Father, I know I had full trust in him. I knew I could trust him at every turn. I was very, very fortunate to have had that experience. But, even with the grace of that experience, it's still taken me a longer time to trust God. Why? I know it’s because I couldn’t imagine that He cared for me – who was I in His eyes? In fact, I remember praying to Him as a child saying things like: “I know you’re really busy and you have more important things to take care of than me, but if and when you have a minute, could you please….”

Fortunately, there came a day, not all that long ago, when I realized – I truly realized, that God made me specifically and on purpose. I also realized how much self-loathing I had done to myself for years. I literally got down on my knees and asked for forgiveness for ever thinking for a moment that I was not of value or not worthy.

Realize that positively every breath you take, every decision you make, every step you take is given to you with God’s Love - He even hangs in with us when we are making poor choices. Even when we get diverted from our spiritual path and our lessons, He patiently guides us as we slowly get back to our original plan. Patience – I can’t even imagine the patience He has. So, know that at every moment, you are being cared for, you are being loved fully, you are being guided and you are being blessed. Know that there are many times when you have been saved from tragedy, when you have been protected from harm.

When we find that trust in God, even on days when things go wrong (or what appears to be wrong in our eyes), you can know that He is the One in charge and that He has only our best interests at heart. Trust that what is happening has a purpose - He always leads us toward the good. Let go of the need to control and trust that God is always in charge and look forward to His Plan because it is always much better than we could ever imagine. Think of His Plan as something to be excited about, as if it was a gift coming to you with each waking day. That is Grace! Enjoy the anticipation, the journey and the knowing!

With Gratitude for our Path

If any of your recent thoughts have been of mistakes, failures, disappointments, loss of relationships, financial pressures, etc., maybe today’s the day to find gratitude for the path you’re really on, because those thoughts relate to superficial happenings.

Instead, delve a little deeper, then deeper, then even deeper. Perhaps you can go way back to a teacher who believed in you, someone who took you under his/her wing and gave you a nugget for life. This may have actually changed your course or created an opportunity to accept yourself. Or maybe you can think of a time when you skinned your knee, literally or figuratively, and now realize the strength it took to get back up and get going. Even if people laughed as you took that fall, think about how it impacted your life in a positive way. Another thought might be of something you did that was not something of integrity, maybe you even “sold your soul” for a moment. Remember that that experience possibly gave you the opportunity to rethink your ways – remember, too, when temptations in life turn into attachments, you can always “un-attach” yourself.

Recently, I read that all paths bring awareness. So, the lesson of each path is what gives it its value. That’s why it’s so important to remember that when we take away the experience from someone, we also take away the lesson. It’s easy to fall into judgment of those whom we feel have stepped off the path of integrity or honesty or human decency onto a path we consider to be immoral or self-destructive. However, every single moment of our life here on earth is giving us an opportunity to learn, to make another choice, to rethink, or to redeem ourselves. It is all Sacred.

Therefore, for anyone falling into judgment of another, remember that you may not fully know or understand that person’s path – the amazing inner path that God has consecrated. Perhaps they are on this earth for us to learn not to judge or to find compassion. Sometimes the most difficult earthly paths are the hardest ones to withstand but teach others the most compassion. Often the toughest or even meanest people in your life are the ones who were the catalysts to build you up in the final outcome. Or, the ones who were most critical were the ones who made you withdraw inside where you found your real value.

As they say, there are no accidents, so it’s important to recognize that everyone who crosses our path on this earthly mission is a messenger – one who is teaching us to lead with our soul, even if they may appear to be someone of darkness.

By taking the time to delve deeper into our life, we can find that everything offers a nugget, a gift of grace. Our life is never limited nor limiting – the possibilities are endless. If today, you are confused, find at least one thing that makes your eyes sparkle, that makes your heart sing. If today, you are disappointed in yourself, know that that is only a tiny speck in the whole spectrum of your life. Be humbled by God’s Goodness and by His Forgiveness. As I’ve mentioned previously, we are the only ones who often cannot forgive ourselves, who cannot love ourselves.

Be blessed in the knowing that we all go through dark times, difficult times, disappointing times and what we might consider unforgiveable times; but, these are only our earthly judgments. When we dig deeper to the soul level, there is no ugliness; instead, there is pure beauty, love, acceptance and Light.

With Gratitude for Peace

In recent posts, we’ve talked about finding peace in order to provide calm in our fast-paced lives. Yet, in today’s world, we might wonder exactly how and where to find peace – not only to provide calm but to provide safety in our environment. This is why it’s very important to create our own peace. But how do we do that? Today, for a moment, let’s set aside the many tragedies in our world that splinter our daily lives; for a moment, let’s talk about what we can do in our individual lives to create peace.

There has always been duality in life – humans have a tendency to create a we-they situation. That’s the human ego’s way of dealing with fear. So, let’s remember that. But, just as situations appear to be black or white, people are rich or poor, decisions are right or wrong, we have choices we can make that involve the biggest and most important duality – that of love and fear.

Fear has its place – it protects us from real and present danger. However, fear also arises from experiences of feeling left out or feeling not good enough that fester and grow over time. This type of fear stems from a feeling of separation, not being included, not being loved. Some say our greatest separation is the feeling that our physical body is separated from our soul and that’s where this whole separation issue began. We come upon this earth and forget who we truly are.

So, let’s remember who we actually are and what our capacity really is. Somewhere deep inside we are love and only love, the kind of love that we cannot even comprehend. In order to find peace, we must go there – we must find that gentle peace, warmth and love. The sooner we find that in our self, the sooner our outer world will change. It is up to us individually.

This may require us to do some house cleaning within to sweep away the darkness. That may mean we make a decision to put all past grievances in the past, we let go of what we’ve been hanging onto for years that is no longer serving us and we begin anew. Surrender and let go. This may sound like giving up control; in some ways it is; but in more ways it is taking control by deciding what’s really going to drive our lives.

Darkness is here – it is prevalent; however, the Light is more prevalent. I can say with certainty in my lifetime that I have seen the Light grow, so I know we’re going toward the good. Please do not dwell on the darkness that is present – it has always been there. Do not let it tempt you into fear. Go within, find the Light, find the peace, find the warmth and love that is ever present. I have a strong belief that as the Light grows it stirs the egos of those filled with darkness, which makes for knee-jerk reactions by them. Let it go – know that the Light has already outshone that darkness. This is a time for faith and trust. This is a time for strength. Find it within. It will provide a ripple effect – as each and every one of us brings more Light to the earth, the darkness will dissipate.

If you have any doubts about finding that place of peace within, know that you have already touched it many times, possibly when you’ve watched a movie that truly warmed your heart or inspired you or you were totally moved by a beautiful song and tears came to your eyes or you said a prayer and got so lost in it that you knew you touched the Divine – go there, again – it is always present and available to you.

With Gratitude for Grieving

"Loss of any kind, including the loss of physical abilities, heals with mourning, and the mourning process is not to be abbreviated in a pained haste to move from personality to soul consciousness. Far better to sit with the pain and cry, should one so choose. Mourning is a gradual process of the heart best lived softly and with grace, with kindness, gentleness, and compassion for self."

Robert Schwartz

Having experienced the recent loss of my Mother and my twin brother and more recently the loss of a close cousin, my family has certainly experienced the grieving process. The loss of family and friends can bring about so much suffering; however, I have found as I've gotten older, the pain of loss is not quite as hard to accept as it once was. For example, the deep pain of the loss of my Dad when I was a teenager lasted 40 years or so. I shared this quote above because it is so honest, beautiful, touching and so very healing. When loss brings about pain, it is so important to let it out, not to stuff it or salve it with alcohol or drugs or money or things, which are only a temporary fix.

Mourning is actually very cleansing. My experience with my Dad’s death took very long because I didn’t know how to heal myself. Later, with the experience of more losses, I found the gentleness that Robert Schwartz mentions is so healing and so very cleansing. It takes time, yes, and it takes learning how to release all that emotion. Tears may sometimes seem out of control but are so soothing – they wash away the pain. I highly recommend letting it out through tears. Think of them as God’s healing way to allow pain to seep out.

They say every loss brings about an opportunity to continue to heal from previous losses, an opportunity to heal what never got healed. I have found this to be true. Losses in my 40s helped me to heal from losses in my earlier years. It helped me to reach a point of letting it all out to move forward without such heaviness.

For anyone suffering from loss, even the loss of a little pet, since those are often the hardest because we truly give and receive unconditional love from them, know that our loved ones are doing well and are actually helping us to heal. They are just in another aspect of life and can even be of more support to us here on earth.

When we are able to release the pain to see the beauty of all life, the amazing gift we are each given, we realize it is all a gift of grace. There is actually no real loss, just the loss of what we consider our earthly attachments. Some say they (our loved ones) are actually within a hair’s width of distance from us. They know our pain and actually help us through that pain. They have served their purpose on earth as we will, too. We will each move on to our next step to continue to become pure love, the love that is already within each of us. 

Be gentle, be kind and find patience with yourself. Allow yourself to be exactly where you’re at. No need to numb the pain; walk gently into that vulnerability. If you find you are ready to drop into tears, accept yourself at that very moment, find gratitude for those very intimate and loving feelings. Try not to resist – that will only cause more suffering. Gently release the pain to find peace and serenity. Trust that you will get through this experience.

With Gratitude for the Self

In the past months, we’ve talked about our story and how it fits into God’s Story, how redemption refines our story and how in today’s frenetic world, meditation provides calm to our story. Today, I’d like to talk about the self and how it sometimes gets in the way until the real self, our soul, comes through.

In our society, when we greet someone, we exchange our labels (mom, dad, carpenter, engineer, teacher, college student). In order to live in our world, feel comfortable and a part of society, we often create labels and even take steps not to lose them; in fact, we often try to multiply all the things we are. By doing so, we feel like we belong, we’re accepted and we have a purpose. These labels sometimes become attachments, something to hang onto. As we expand our life, we see changes; our family grows, our working experience expands. But, in reality, that is still a limited view of our self. You might say we only see a sliver of what’s really going on, what reality truly is.

In a recent post, we talked about meditation, where we can get in touch with a greater reality, our soul. Some are afraid to venture into this space; and yet, it offers more than we can ever imagine. We may think it fantastic to Google something; but, right within us, we have the ability to ask a question and receive the answer, specific to our needs. I think what stops us is our fear and our belief that we are not worthy. Who could really care that much about me? So, instead, the thought that we are not worthy gets buried deeply and eats away at us and we become stuck and further attached to worldly things for their make-believe comfort. I believe somewhere deep inside we actually know why we stay attached to worldly things but hesitate to venture into the spiritual realm.

Part of attachment on earth is actually to find ways to separate – to find blame, to point fingers or to make me right and you wrong. This keeps things nice and neat and compartmentalizes everything so we stay in control (or so we think). But all the finger pointing eventually leads to one person – our self. In the end, we are the only ones who do not love ourselves, who cannot forgive ourselves, who deceive ourselves, who betray ourselves and who judge ourselves. No one does that to us, no matter how much we seek to blame; we do it to ourselves; that is, until we accept God into our lives, relinquish control and come to learn that God has loved us all along. Gerald Sittser expresses this beautifully:

“Trappist monk and author Thomas Merton warned that sooner or later every one of us will have to descend into the abyss and enter the darkness. Schooled in the mystical tradition, he was especially attracted to the writings of John of the Cross, who taught that passing through the ‘dark night of the senses’ and the ‘dark night of the soul’ is both inevitable and necessary in the life of faith. It is the only way to be weaned from all earthly attachments, even religious, to mature in faith, and to surrender our cherished – and imagined – control. It is a simple and easy task to live by faith when light shines all around us and God provides ample evidence of his presence, goodness and power. Then again, faith always comes easily when it isn’t really needed, as love comes easily in romance. But such easy faith must come to an end in order to become true faith, as romantic love eventually must include the disciplined work of marital love. We must leave the mountain, where all seems clear, and descend into the terrifying darkness below. Faith is not faith when it sees, wills, and gets what it wants; it is not the same as self-confidence, natural optimism or positive thinking.”

What is required to let go of attachments is to have enough humility to surrender. Have faith, be calm and find courage; it is available to us all: “For the law was given through Moses, but grace and truth came through Jesus Christ.” All that’s required is we ask for help and God’s loving kindness will appear.