“Even when God seemed to have abandoned me,
He was watching.
Even when He seemed indifferent to my
suffering, He was watching.
And when I was beyond all hope of saving, He
gave me rest,
then gave me a sign to continue my journey.”
(From the movie Life of Pi)
After a difficult breakup in my late 40s, I took a long
drive to visit friends and family up the coast of California, Oregon and
Washington to clear my head and to heal my heart. I cried often as I drove the many miles;
however, on the return trip, I was really angry with God. I actually got “cocky” with Him – something I
never thought I could or would do. I
wanted to know where He was! Why wasn’t
He there when I needed Him most! I
actually told Him – “If you’re here, give me a sign, write the word ‘Hi’ in the
sky or write my name or something!”
Nothing happened. However, within
a few minutes, amidst all the beautiful redwood trees lining both sides of the
road, there was a yellow, 8-1/2 x 11 sheet of paper posted on one of the trees
that called out to my attention. It
said: “Trust Jesus.” Wow, that humbled
me, however, I still wasn’t satisfied – I kept looking for a message in the
clouds! What willfulness!
A little further down the road, while crying, I was half
listening to the soundtrack from Les
Miserables. All of a sudden I heard
the words “I will not forsake you now”
very firmly come from the audiotape. I
realized the song A Little Fall of Rain
was playing – the song depicts a dying woman during the midst of war, asking
the man who was comforting her not to leave her. This song is sung in a whisper, yet I heard a very firm voice. It was a surreal moment – I wanted to rewind
the tape but I didn’t have the nerve to do it.
I waited until the next day, played the tape again and realized the
singer actually says “I won’t desert you now” – in a whisper. I was very humbled
and knew God was with me – a Sacred moment.
Still further down the road, as the sun was burning off
the fog, I rounded a bend and gasped at the view – a massive span of Redwoods
against an azure-blue sky – a thought instantly came to me: This is Heaven on Earth! Within moments, there was a road sign
announcing a restaurant ahead called “Heaven on Earth!” This was a turning point in my life. I felt God’s Presence – I was mixed with
guilt, sadness, amazement, wonder and gratefulness – gratefulness for God’s Sacred Grace.
Soon I was back home and back at work! On my way to a computer training class one day,
a huge truck crossed numerous lanes and rammed into my car. I don’t know how I survived the
accident! I only ended up with
soft-tissue damage; however, the doctor requested that I remain home for a
month with bed rest and physical therapy.
At the time, I had just moved into a condo – I had been busy pulling up
carpeting, washing walls, cabinets, etc. – a very busy time. As I laid in bed recuperating, I realized God
had a purpose for all this – He knew I was reeling from all the change and
crazy times, so He found a way to make the madness stop! I realized, also, having a month off work to
rest was not so bad after all – plus the physical therapy included massages
every week! Does God know what we need
or what?
During difficult times or even not-so-difficult times, we
run our life at a super-fast pace, trusting that we can just keep going. Do we think of God or thank Him? Somehow, when we let go of the ego that drives us – the strong confidence that we’re
all we need in this life to make things happen, we realize it is God making it
all happen – always – for our betterment and with His Love.
“I suppose in the end, the whole of life
becomes an act of letting go.”
(Quote from the
movie Life of Pi)
