With Gratitude for God's Sacred Grace

“Even when God seemed to have abandoned me, He was watching.

Even when He seemed indifferent to my suffering, He was watching.

And when I was beyond all hope of saving, He gave me rest,

then gave me a sign to continue my journey.”

(From the movie Life of Pi)

After a difficult breakup in my late 40s, I took a long drive to visit friends and family up the coast of California, Oregon and Washington to clear my head and to heal my heart.  I cried often as I drove the many miles; however, on the return trip, I was really angry with God.  I actually got “cocky” with Him – something I never thought I could or would do.  I wanted to know where He was!  Why wasn’t He there when I needed Him most!  I actually told Him – “If you’re here, give me a sign, write the word ‘Hi’ in the sky or write my name or something!”  Nothing happened.  However, within a few minutes, amidst all the beautiful redwood trees lining both sides of the road, there was a yellow, 8-1/2 x 11 sheet of paper posted on one of the trees that called out to my attention.  It said: “Trust Jesus.”  Wow, that humbled me, however, I still wasn’t satisfied – I kept looking for a message in the clouds!  What willfulness!

A little further down the road, while crying, I was half listening to the soundtrack from Les Miserables.  All of a sudden I heard the words “I will not forsake you now” very firmly come from the audiotape.  I realized the song A Little Fall of Rain was playing – the song depicts a dying woman during the midst of war, asking the man who was comforting her not to leave her.  This song is sung in a whisper, yet I heard a very firm voice.  It was a surreal moment – I wanted to rewind the tape but I didn’t have the nerve to do it.  I waited until the next day, played the tape again and realized the singer actually says “I won’t desert you now” – in a whisper.  I was very humbled and knew God was with me – a Sacred moment.

Still further down the road, as the sun was burning off the fog, I rounded a bend and gasped at the view – a massive span of Redwoods against an azure-blue sky – a thought instantly came to me: This is Heaven on Earth!  Within moments, there was a road sign announcing a restaurant ahead called “Heaven on Earth!”  This was a turning point in my life.  I felt God’s Presence – I was mixed with guilt, sadness, amazement, wonder and gratefulness – gratefulness for God’s Sacred Grace.

Soon I was back home and back at work!  On my way to a computer training class one day, a huge truck crossed numerous lanes and rammed into my car.  I don’t know how I survived the accident!  I only ended up with soft-tissue damage; however, the doctor requested that I remain home for a month with bed rest and physical therapy.  At the time, I had just moved into a condo – I had been busy pulling up carpeting, washing walls, cabinets, etc. – a very busy time.  As I laid in bed recuperating, I realized God had a purpose for all this – He knew I was reeling from all the change and crazy times, so He found a way to make the madness stop!  I realized, also, having a month off work to rest was not so bad after all – plus the physical therapy included massages every week!  Does God know what we need or what?

During difficult times or even not-so-difficult times, we run our life at a super-fast pace, trusting that we can just keep going.  Do we think of God or thank Him?  Somehow, when we let go of the ego that drives us – the strong confidence that we’re all we need in this life to make things happen, we realize it is God making it all happen – always – for our betterment and with His Love.

“I suppose in the end, the whole of life becomes an act of letting go.”

(Quote from the movie Life of Pi)