The Grace of Acceptance

With the Thanksgiving Holiday approaching, memories naturally come to us of past holiday celebrations, family and friends with whom we’ve celebrated and thoughts of things for which we are most thankful.  As we all know; however, the holidays also bring about memories of loss, life changes, missed opportunities, broken relationships and a feeling that possibly we’re not as far along as we had hoped or that our life just hasn’t turned out as we had planned.  Stirring feelings of emotion that arise during this holiday season may not always be happy ones; however, our feelings provide our life with depth, whether they are happy or sad.

I consider myself very fortunate – as a child our Thanksgiving gathering was typically at my Grandparent’s home.  My brothers and cousins and I recall how my Grandmother always had a little glass of tomato juice on the center of the plate as we sat down for Thanksgiving dinner – a unique gesture that my Grandmother provided that created a lifetime memory.  I know I always looked forward to our gatherings and enjoyed the warmth and laughter of our family members.

This season is also a reminder of how many people are feeling alone or are doing without.  Unfortunately, even though Thanksgiving is a season of gratitude, it can also bring about a feeling of being left out.  Often, people feel “unaccepted” at this time of year if they are not a part of a festive holiday experience.  Our media hypes up everything, which makes it appear that everyone’s table is arrayed with all the festive displays and fancy foods being advertised on the television and in the catalogs pouring into our homes.

These thoughts reminded me of a quote I read a number of years ago, while researching Grace: “The experience of being accepted is the beginning of healing for the feeling of being unacceptable.” (Lewis B. Smedes)   Smedes’ book, Shame and Grace (1993), discusses how everyone experiences feelings of shame at some point in life and how these feelings of shame or “criticism of what they do” can “translate” into “judgment of what they are.”  Here is where the author feels Grace comes in: “Grace is the beginning of our healing because it offers the one thing we need most: to be accepted without regard to whether we are acceptable.”  “Grace stands for gift; it is the gift of being accepted before we become acceptable.”  “…the surest cure for the feeling of being an unacceptable person is the discovery that we are accepted by the grace of One whose acceptance of us matters most.”

In this season of gratitude and thankfulness, perhaps we can find just one person in our path and accept him or her – acknowledge someone’s presence that we might normally pass by, thank the Salvation Army bell-ringer for his or her volunteerism, get to know someone a little better who we see weekly at the grocery store.  We never know what lies behind the faces of people who are “forcing” a smile as they fill our order at the deli counter.  Grace comes into all of our lives and it behooves us to multiply that and offer Grace to someone who needs acceptance, especially at this time of year.

May you and your families and friends enjoy a beautiful Thanksgiving!