Wednesday, October 1, 2014

With Gratitude for God's Sacred Grace

“Even when God seemed to have abandoned me, He was watching.
Even when He seemed indifferent to my suffering, He was watching.
And when I was beyond all hope of saving, He gave me rest,
then gave me a sign to continue my journey.”

(From the movie Life of Pi)

After a difficult breakup in my late 40s, I took a long drive to visit friends and family up the coast of California, Oregon and Washington to clear my head and to heal my heart.  I cried often as I drove the many miles; however, on the return trip, I was really angry with God.  I actually got “cocky” with Him – something I never thought I could or would do.  I wanted to know where He was!  Why wasn’t He there when I needed Him most!  I actually told Him – “If you’re here, give me a sign, write the word ‘Hi’ in the sky or write my name or something!”  Nothing happened.  However, within a few minutes, amidst all the beautiful redwood trees lining both sides of the road, there was a yellow, 8-1/2 x 11 sheet of paper posted on one of the trees that called out to my attention.  It said: “Trust Jesus.”  Wow, that humbled me, however, I still wasn’t satisfied – I kept looking for a message in the clouds!  What willfulness!

A little further down the road, while crying, I was half listening to the soundtrack from Les Miserables.  All of a sudden I heard the words “I will not forsake you now” very firmly come from the audiotape.  I realized the song A Little Fall of Rain was playing – the song depicts a dying woman during the midst of war, asking the man who was comforting her not to leave her.  This song is sung in a whisper, yet I heard a very firm voice.  It was a surreal moment – I wanted to rewind the tape but I didn’t have the nerve to do it.  I waited until the next day, played the tape again and realized the singer actually says “I won’t desert you now” – in a whisper.  I was very humbled and knew God was with me – a Sacred moment.

Still further down the road, as the sun was burning off the fog, I rounded a bend and gasped at the view – a massive span of Redwoods against an azure-blue sky – a thought instantly came to me: This is Heaven on Earth!  Within moments, there was a road sign announcing a restaurant ahead called “Heaven on Earth!”  This was a turning point in my life.  I felt God’s Presence – I was mixed with guilt, sadness, amazement, wonder and gratefulness – gratefulness for God’s Sacred Grace.

Soon I was back home and back at work!  On my way to a computer training class one day, a huge truck crossed numerous lanes and rammed into my car.  I don’t know how I survived the accident!  I only ended up with soft-tissue damage; however, the doctor requested that I remain home for a month with bed rest and physical therapy.  At the time, I had just moved into a condo – I had been busy pulling up carpeting, washing walls, cabinets, etc. – a very busy time.  As I laid in bed recuperating, I realized God had a purpose for all this – He knew I was reeling from all the change and crazy times, so He found a way to make the madness stop!  I realized, also, having a month off work to rest was not so bad after all – plus the physical therapy included massages every week!  Does God know what we need or what?

During difficult times or even not-so-difficult times, we run our life at a super-fast pace, trusting that we can just keep going.  Do we think of God or thank Him?  Somehow, when we let go of the ego that drives us – the strong confidence that we’re all we need in this life to make things happen, we realize it is God making it all happen – always – for our betterment and with His Love.

“I suppose in the end, the whole of life becomes an act of letting go.”

(Quote from the movie Life of Pi)

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