With Gratitude for Grieving

"Loss of any kind, including the loss of physical abilities, heals with mourning, and the mourning process is not to be abbreviated in a pained haste to move from personality to soul consciousness. Far better to sit with the pain and cry, should one so choose. Mourning is a gradual process of the heart best lived softly and with grace, with kindness, gentleness, and compassion for self."

Robert Schwartz

Having experienced the recent loss of my Mother and my twin brother and more recently the loss of a close cousin, my family has certainly experienced the grieving process. The loss of family and friends can bring about so much suffering; however, I have found as I've gotten older, the pain of loss is not quite as hard to accept as it once was. For example, the deep pain of the loss of my Dad when I was a teenager lasted 40 years or so. I shared this quote above because it is so honest, beautiful, touching and so very healing. When loss brings about pain, it is so important to let it out, not to stuff it or salve it with alcohol or drugs or money or things, which are only a temporary fix.

Mourning is actually very cleansing. My experience with my Dad’s death took very long because I didn’t know how to heal myself. Later, with the experience of more losses, I found the gentleness that Robert Schwartz mentions is so healing and so very cleansing. It takes time, yes, and it takes learning how to release all that emotion. Tears may sometimes seem out of control but are so soothing – they wash away the pain. I highly recommend letting it out through tears. Think of them as God’s healing way to allow pain to seep out.

They say every loss brings about an opportunity to continue to heal from previous losses, an opportunity to heal what never got healed. I have found this to be true. Losses in my 40s helped me to heal from losses in my earlier years. It helped me to reach a point of letting it all out to move forward without such heaviness.

For anyone suffering from loss, even the loss of a little pet, since those are often the hardest because we truly give and receive unconditional love from them, know that our loved ones are doing well and are actually helping us to heal. They are just in another aspect of life and can even be of more support to us here on earth.

When we are able to release the pain to see the beauty of all life, the amazing gift we are each given, we realize it is all a gift of grace. There is actually no real loss, just the loss of what we consider our earthly attachments. Some say they (our loved ones) are actually within a hair’s width of distance from us. They know our pain and actually help us through that pain. They have served their purpose on earth as we will, too. We will each move on to our next step to continue to become pure love, the love that is already within each of us. 

Be gentle, be kind and find patience with yourself. Allow yourself to be exactly where you’re at. No need to numb the pain; walk gently into that vulnerability. If you find you are ready to drop into tears, accept yourself at that very moment, find gratitude for those very intimate and loving feelings. Try not to resist – that will only cause more suffering. Gently release the pain to find peace and serenity. Trust that you will get through this experience.